Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
8:24 am
Sat September 29, 2012

Panel Round Two

Originally published on Sat September 29, 2012 9:07 am

Transcript

CARL KASELL: From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR News quiz. I'm Carl Kasell. We're playing this week with Kyrie O'Connor, Adam Felber and Brian Babylon. And, here again is your host, filling in for Peter Sagal, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Grosz.

PETER GROSZ, HOST:

Thank you, Carl Kasell.

(APPLAUSE)

GROSZ: Thank you so much. In just a minute, Carl addresses the U. N. General Assembly on behalf of the people of Nantucket. It's the listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924. But right now, panel, here's some more questions for you from this week's news.

Kyrie, this week, California Governor Jerry Brown signed into law a bill that will allow who to drive cars?

KYRIE O'CONNOR: Nobody. The cars themselves will do the driving.

GROSZ: That's absolutely right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

GROSZ: They are these kind of robot cars.

BRIAN BABYLON: Knight Rider?

GROSZ: Huh?

BABYLON: Oh, I'm sorry.

GROSZ: It's like Knight Rider. Although, yes, it's Google self-driving cars, they're finally on the road in California. And pretty soon they're expected to start bitching about all the other robot drivers, just like we do. Where did you learn how to drive? Windows, I'll come over there, buddy.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Yeah.

BABYLON: And then they just get stuck. Tell me about this thing called love.

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: That's where it always ends up.

GROSZ: Exactly. Robots are always searching for love. In any event, Google's automated driver is a huge step forward from Google's automated backseat driver, which was really starting to get on everyone's nerve.

BABYLON: So what is this...

GROSZ: Left here. Left here. Exit. Exit. This is it. This is it. This is it. This is it. You missed it.

(LAUGHTER)

ADAM FELBER: I just don't want a car that I have to, like, worry about it making it home for curfew and stuff.

GROSZ: Yes, exactly.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: All my other robot friends are going out. I don't care what your other robot friends are doing. You're my car and you're going to be home in my driveway.

FELBER: I hate you. You're not my dad.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

GROSZ: You didn't design me. Give me your keys. I don't need keys. I feel your wife's butt every day.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Terrible, terrible robot car. All right.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Kyrie?

O'CONNOR: Yes.

GROSZ: Vice President Joe Biden is notorious for getting himself into trouble when he's speaking off the cuff. And, according to the New York Times, while he's been out on the campaign trail, Mr. Biden is also developing a reputation for doing what?

O'CONNOR: Besides saying crazy stuff?

GROSZ: Besides saying crazy stuff, which we all know about.

O'CONNOR: A reputation for...

GROSZ: He's going through a lot of Purell in the process.

O'CONNOR: Pressing the flesh?

GROSZ: Yes, we'll give it to you. Yes. Basically, being handsy, that's what he's doing.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

GROSZ: As he travels around the country, Vice President Biden is like a one-man windbag machine, but he's also hoping to reach out and touch voters. And by touch voters, I mean he's actually reaching out and he is touching voters.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Biden is getting a reputation as the handsiest vice president that we have ever had.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: On the campaign stops just this week, he stroked arms, he rubbed shoulders, he touched cheeks gingerly, he even held hands with one potential voter for what was termed "an uncomfortably long time."

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: He's like creepy Uncle Joe.

GROSZ: Yeah, he is.

FELBER: He is everybody's Uncle Joe.

GROSZ: Come on, I'm the vice president. You love me.

BABYLON: Come on, you like quarters.

GROSZ: Yeah. Uh-oh, he's got everyone in America's nose at this point.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: He's been reaching out and grabbing noses.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: I might not have your vote, but I have your nose.

O'CONNOR: So he's kind of like the anti-Trump.

GROSZ: Yes, he is, in that he is friendly.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: No, Trump doesn't touch.

O'CONNOR: Trump doesn't touch.

GROSZ: Oh, he doesn't touch.

BABYLON: I'm cool with that.

FELBER: Not touching Donald Trump?

BABYLON: Yeah.

FELBER: Yeah, me too.

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: I'm really cool with Donald Trump.

(APPLAUSE)

BABYLON: Yeah, I'm cool with that.

GROSZ: Adam, world leaders are calling for calm as suppliers say that next year, the world is going to face an inevitable shortage of what?

FELBER: Bacon, everybody panic.

GROSZ: That's right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: There is going to be a world shortage of bacon that will be unavoidable, according to the United Kingdom National Pig Association, which I should say, is not an association of pigs.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Because if it were, they would have a very different focus and I think they would be very happy about the global bacon shortage.

BABYLON: You know what, Upton Sinclair prophesized about this.

GROSZ: Did he really?

BABYLON: It's on a missing scroll of...

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: It's the missing part of "The Jungle."

BABYLON: Yep.

GROSZ: In Upton Sinclair's day...

FELBER: There will come a time...

BABYLON: Yep.

GROSZ: In his day, if there were no bacon, it'd be like just shove one of the worker's into the bacon-making machine.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: But the bacon shortage is due to some very real things. It's like high pig-feed costs, there's the drought, and the fact that bacon tastes amazing and we can't stop putting it in things.

BABYLON: Yeah, you know what, I think it's probably because we put it on everything.

GROSZ: Oh yeah, I mean I can't live without my sausage, bacon and egg breakfast sandwich.

BABYLON: You can't live without it, Peter?

GROSZ: No. And my bacon-wrapped hot dog and that piece of bacon you use to stir your coffee.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: It's delicious.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.