Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
3:42 pm
Fri July 27, 2012

Limericks

Originally published on Sat July 28, 2012 10:56 am

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank. But first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you would like to play any of our games on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924.

Or, you can click the contact us link on our website, that's waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show at the Fox Theater in Atlanta this September.

And, before that, check out our latest podcast: How to Do Everything. This week, Mike and Ian tell you how to enjoy every moment of the Olympics. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME.

SUSAN BAKER: Hi, this is Susan Baker from Snohomish, Washington.

SAGAL: Snohomish, what do you do in Snohomish?

BAKER: I am a software engineer.

SAGAL: Oh wow. So do you work for the big software company there based in Washington?

BAKER: I do.

SAGAL: And what do you do for them?

BAKER: I work on the Word product.

SAGAL: You do?

BAKER: Yes.

SAGAL: All right, before we get started, look the spell check function is not working.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Even though I've got it selected. And it's annoying.

BAKER: You have to get close.

SAGAL: I have to get close to what?

BAKER: The correct word.

SAGAL: Oh, OK.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: I can't just randomly type letters and hope that it will know what I'm saying?

BAKER: No.

SAGAL: All right. Thanks for the help.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Susan, welcome to the show. Carl Kasell is going to read you three news-related limericks, with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Ready to play?

BAKER: I am.

SAGAL: Here we go.

CARL KASELL: Before Newton put words to his law, ladies' bodies fought gravity's draw. Some medieval women sewed brass cups in linen and fashioned a functioning?

BAKER: Bra.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Scientists excavating a castle in Austria recently found the tattered but intact remains of a 600-year-old bra. Before this discovery, historians believed bras were first invented about 100 years ago and first successfully unclasped by a man about 80 years ago.

(LAUGHTER)

SIMON AMSTELL: Is this part of the show? This is limericks.

SAGAL: Yes.

AMSTELL: Is it 1940?

SAGAL: It is, very much.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's sort of a throwback.

AMSTELL: I like it, I like it. Carry on. I will not judge.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next, with your permission, limerick.

AMSTELL: Yes.

KASELL: Fast food inspiration has flashed because French fries just seem so rehashed. At 7-Eleven, the spuds are in heaven. The Slurpee machine serves them?

BAKER: I have no idea.

SAGAL: Really? Spuds is a clue.

BAKER: Spuds.

SAGAL: Spuds, which are?

BAKER: Potatoes.

SAGAL: Which are often served?

BAKER: With ketchup.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That's true.

MO ROCCA: Listen, to get the answer you're going to have to get close.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: So a way to serve potatoes, rhymes with flashed, rehashed is?

ROCCA: Not...

BAKER: Smashed, mashed.

SAGAL: Yes, mashed potatoes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: You ever get real thirsty for food? Or have you ever walked into a 7-Eleven, seen the neon blue goo churning in the Slurpee machine, and said, " Man, wouldn't it be cool if that machine pumped out mashed potatoes and gravy?"

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: If so, book your trip to Singapore, where your wish has been granted. It's unclear how popular the mashed potato machines will be, however, because Singapore has very strict anti-drug laws, eliminating the vital customer base of people wandering into a 7-Eleven stoned enough to want mashed potatoes out of a Slurpee machine.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, very good, here's your last limerick.

KASELL: We are cast of polygamous cloth. The wrong sin gives our name, so we're wroth. We're liking the thrust of the name "two-toed lust." But we're slow, so they just call us?

BAKER: Sloth.

SAGAL: Sloth, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Very good, sloth. According to ecologists studying sloths in Costa Rica, sloths aren't only lazy, they're also incredibly slutty. The sloths there keep and defend harems of up to three females each. They father children with all of them. Some may think it's surprising that an animal could get around that much when most of the time, they hardly get anywhere. But it turns out: chicks dig immobility.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So grab your ceiling beam with all four limbs, guys, and wait for the party to start.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: Wow, so she's really slothy.

SAGAL: Yes, oh yeah. Carl, how did Susan do on our quiz?

KASELL: Susan, you had three correct answers, so you win our prize.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yes, you did.

KASELL: I'll be doing the message on your answering machine or voicemail.

(APPLAUSE)

BAKER: Thank you.

SAGAL: Well done. Congratulations and thanks for playing.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright National Public Radio.